How To Successfully Make A Habit Stick in 90-Days

This guide is quite literally the steps I’ve taken over the last three months to make a habit of showing up for myself. It’s not about perfection. It’s about building habits that actually stick and make everyday life feel a little lighter.

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This post is part of a monthly series on my blog called “Why am I like this?” It’s a pause from game talk to dig into the quirks and questions that crop up in all our lives. Each month, I’ll pick a topic that makes me think, why do I actually do this? You know, the stuff we all feel but don’t always talk about.

How was last year for you, really?
Did you make plans you felt good about… only to watch them quietly fizzle out?

If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You’re human. And no one ever teaches us how to make a habit that actually sticks when life gets messy, motivation dips, or everything feels a bit up in the air.

This post is here to help with that.

Not with hustle talk. Not with guilt. And definitely not with “just try harder” nonsense. Instead, I’m going to walk you through a simple four-step approach that helps you rebuild momentum.

Because it’s okay to fall apart. It really is.
What matters is learning how to gently gather yourself again and choose a direction forward.

Think of this as a reset. A 90-day window where you stop waiting for things to magically improve and start building habits that quietly change how your days feel. No grand reinvention required. Just consistency, intention, and a bit of self-trust.

Three months from now, things could feel lighter. Clearer. More hopeful.
And you don’t have to know exactly where you’re headed yet. You just need to start.

So let’s begin with the first step.
Before you add anything new, it’s time to pause and reflect on how far you’ve already come.

You might be surprised by what you find.

90 Days to Make a Habit in 4 Steps

Let’s get one thing straight. It’s okay to fall apart. That’s part of being human. What doesn’t help is staying there and hoping someone else will quietly fix things for you.

If you’ve ever had to pull yourself together more than once, you’re not alone. Maybe that looks like wiping your eyes, scrubbing the dry shampoo out of your hair, and putting on proper people clothes even though you’d rather stay curled up with your Switch. I get it. Truly.

Waiting for a miracle gets tiring. At some point, you have to decide you’re ready to move. Even if it’s slow. Even if it’s messy.

Here’s the good news. Three months from now, your life could feel a whole lot brighter.

Ninety days is enough time to make a habit and gently pivot your life in a new direction. Not a dramatic overhaul. Just a quiet shift towards the version of you who shows up more often. You don’t want to be standing in the exact same place three months from now, right?

So take a moment and think ahead. What dates are coming up that matter to you? A birthday. A trip. A new business launch. A fresh start you want to feel proud walking into.

We’re going to start small. Before you add anything new, the first step in this four-part process is reflection. Looking back. Not to judge yourself, but to recognise how far you’ve already come.

That’s where real change begins.

Step 1: How To Be More Self-Aware

It’s ridiculously easy to drift through life on autopilot. One minute it’s January and everything feels fresh. Blink, and suddenly it’s May… and you’re standing in the exact same place, wondering where the time went.

That’s where self-awareness comes in.

Quite frankly, it’s the cornerstone of personal growth. Without it, you’re just reacting to life instead of actually steering it.

I like to think of self-awareness as the tutorial level in a game. Skip it, and sure, you’ll get going faster. But an hour later you’re frustrated, stuck, and dangerously close to rage-quitting. You’ll blame the controls. The mechanics. The devs. But… yeah. The problem wasn’t the game.

When you start paying attention to your needs, patterns, and triggers, things get clearer. You begin to understand what drains you, what lights you up, where you thrive, and where you trip yourself up. Seeing yourself properly, flaws and all, sets you up for real progress later.

For example, I know I can spiral into anxiety and full-blown imposter syndrome. I also know exactly what fuels it. Stress. Overworking. Doom-scrolling TikTok at 1am when I already feel rubbish.

Because I’m aware of that pattern, I can catch myself. Step away. Take a breather. And yes, turn my goddamn phone off.

That’s what this step is all about. You’re not fixing yourself. You’re learning how you work.

Think of it as building your own tutorial. Once you understand the controls, the whole game gets a bit easier. Still challenging. Still messy. But far less overwhelming.

how do you become more self-aware?

• Write an “Ins & Outs” list
• Take a personality test (like Myers-Briggs)
• Journal about your day
• Ask trusted friends or loved ones about your strengths and weaknesses
• Get clear on who you want to become

If I had to suggest one thing to start today, it would be journaling. I’ve been writing my thoughts down since I was 13.

Lately, I’ve been using a guided journal instead of staring at a blank page, which helps massively when my brain feels foggy. Prompts take the pressure off and gently point you in the right direction.

I usually journal on weekends for 5-10 minutes each morning. That’s just what works for me. You’ll find your rhythm too.

Give yourself 30 days to get to know yourself better and see how different you feel. Hopefully you’ll feel clearer. More grounded. From there, everything else starts to fall into place.

Here’s a small list of books that have helped me understand myself better over the years.

Step 2: Work With the Stuff You Avoid

I promise I’m not about to tell you to face your fears by holding a spider. Unless that’s your thing. In which case… braver than me!

Most people skip this step. Not on purpose. It’s just very easy to convince yourself you’ve “done the work” when really, you’ve just stepped around the uncomfortable bits. We all do it. I most certainly have.

But habits don’t usually fall apart because you’re lazy or inconsistent. They fall apart because something underneath is being avoided.

That “something” can be external. Pressure at work. Expectations from family. A packed social calendar you don’t actually enjoy anymore. Or it can be internal. Self-doubt. Low confidence. Your inner voice telling you you’re not ready yet.

Hello resistance!

Working with what you avoid doesn’t mean pushing through. It means noticing where you hesitate, and choosing a slightly different response.

Maybe it looks like:

• Posting the thing you always leave sitting in drafts
• Saying no to plans because you’re tired, not because you have an excuse
• Stopping yourself mid-spiral and choosing rest instead

It all adds up. For me, one of my strangest long-running avoidance habits was vegetables. I know. I know.

They weren’t dangerous. They weren’t traumatic. I just… avoided them. Blended them. Hid them. Pretended smoothies counted. And I did that well into adulthood.

At some point, I had to be honest with myself. This wasn’t about taste. It was about comfort. Avoidance. Choosing the easy option over the helpful one.

So I started small. Trying one vegetable at a time. Pairing it with foods I already liked.

Would you believe I genuinely like broccoli now. Who am I?!

The point isn’t the vegetables. It’s the pattern. Once you spot what you avoid, you get to choose how you want to meet it.

Ways to make this feel easier

You don’t need courage in huge amounts. Borrow some structure instead:

• Stack a new habit onto an old one
  (Pair discomfort with something familiar.)
• Create a “fear ladder”
  Start with the easiest step, not the scariest.
• Ask someone to keep you honest
  Gentle accountability works wonders.

Think of this step as reclaiming a bit of independence. Not from others, but from the old habits and patterns that have been quietly running your life up until now.

Once you start noticing what you avoid — and gently working with it instead of fighting it — something shifts. You realise it’s not just fear or resistance getting in your way. Sometimes, it’s simply not knowing how to move forward yet. Wanting change is one thing. Having the tools to support it is another.

That’s where the next step comes in.

Because habits don’t stick on good intentions alone. They stick when you give yourself the skills you need to make them feel doable. Let’s talk about that next.

Step 3: Build the Skills You Actually Need

Once you’re clearer on yourself and a bit more honest about what you avoid, the next step is surprisingly practical.

It’s time to build skills.

Learning new skills does more than move you forward. It builds confidence. The kind that makes you think, “Actually… I can handle this.”

A lot of us weren’t exactly set up for that at school. Some things just never clicked. Maths, for me, was a big one. It held me back more than once and knocked my confidence hard.

Fast forward to now, and I handle my own tax returns, budgeting, and expenses. Not because I’m suddenly a maths genius, but because I learned what I actually needed, at my own pace, when it mattered.

Every new skill feels like reclaiming a little bit of ground.

How to start learning a new skill

You don’t need to overhaul your life. Start with one of these:

• Choose something that genuinely interests you – Curiosity keeps you going when motivation dips.
• Learn from someone you like and trust – Inspiration matters more than perfection.
• Share what you’re learning – Teaching or talking it through helps it stick.
• Set a small goal and know why it matters – Skills grow faster when they’re tied to a reason.

The key is staying curious.

Whether you want to start a blog, learn video editing, change careers, or just feel more capable day-to-day, there’s no shortage of skills you can build. A lot of them are right there on YouTube or a quick Google search away. And if you want to go deeper, investing in a course can be a brilliant shortcut.

Right now, I’m learning how to build WordPress websites. It’s been fun, a bit fiddly, and incredibly empowering. I’ve changed my blog in ways I wouldn’t have dared to before. And outside of my business I want to learn pottery next.

As your skill set grows, something interesting happens.

Things start to feel less forced. You’re not pushing yourself through habits anymore. You’re moving with them. What once felt hard begins to feel natural, even satisfying.

That’s not luck.
That’s momentum.

And when momentum builds, you can slip into a state where focus comes easier, time passes quicker, and habits stop feeling like effort.

Step 4: Find Your Rhythm

Have you ever had a day where everything just… flows?

You sit down to do something that usually feels like a slog, and instead of dragging yourself through it, you’re suddenly absorbed. Time passes quicker than expected. You finish feeling calm rather than wrung out.

It’s not constant productivity or forced focus. It’s the sweet spot where your energy, skills, and attention line up. When you’re neither bored nor overwhelmed, just fully engaged.

When you’re in flow:

• Your day feels easier to move through
• Creative ideas show up without being dragged out
• Tasks that usually take hours suddenly take minutes
• Work feels satisfying instead of draining

Flow doesn’t happen by accident. It’s built. It comes from the work you’ve already done:

• Knowing yourself (awareness)
• Working gently with resistance (courage)
• Building the right skills
• Choosing environments and timing that support you

Think of it like unlocking a hidden level in a game. Not by cheating. Not by rushing. But because you’ve quietly met the conditions needed to access it.

When habits are built around your rhythm, they stop feeling like effort. They become something you return to naturally.

And that’s how habits stick.

The Shift I Didn’t See Coming

When I followed this process properly, it was mid to late November 2023.

Nothing dramatic happened overnight. There was no big breakthrough moment. Just small, steady changes that slowly added up.

I was journalling most weekends. Paying attention to my mood. Being more honest about what I wanted and what wasn’t working. I changed how I ate, started feeling better in my body, and rebuilt my website after finally learning the skills I’d been avoiding.

All of this came after a pretty rough period — finding out my job wasn’t secure and genuinely questioning whether my blog and business would survive.

And then, quietly, things shifted.

A brand deal came in. A big one. Like the kind that doesn’t happen often for me at all. Not because I suddenly became someone else, but because I was showing up as myself.

That’s what this guide is really about. Not forcing success or grinding harder. Just building habits that support you when life gets messy.

A Quick Recap

• Step 1: Get to know yourself better
• Step 2: Work with the things you avoid
• Step 3: Build the skills you actually need
• Step 4: Find your rhythm and let momentum carry you

You don’t have to do everything at once. In fact, it works better when you don’t. Start with awareness. Give yourself time. Let the rest follow.

If you take one thing from this, let it be this:
3 months from now can feel very different to today.